Personalized Merchandise Hawkers Beware: “Bryan” Making Startling Comeback

My first crush, Adrian Peirce, had these searching brown eyes, and scrunched between an unblemished forehead and fragile little neck, a face like a stuffed animal. She sat in the front corner near the pencil sharpener in Mrs. Sardina’s 3rd grade class. Needless to say my pencil tips were always razor sharp.

I never had the nerve to talk to Adrian but still recall the joy of watching her insouciantly slip a red envelope into my sparkling letter box on Valentine’s Day. My euphoria quickly dissipated, however, after prying it open and reading the short greeting, “Dear Brian, I’m yours...Love Adrian.” Sure, having your name constantly spelled wrong can be belittling, but this is the only time I ever remember being on the brink of tears. I still feel sorry for that little kid who, on that frosty Valentines Day night, sheepishly drew an inversely slopped line in front of the “a” to change the “i” into a “y” before displaying the valentine on his desk.

Well fellow Bryans we can’t forget the past, but according to the US Social Security Administration, hard times are over, for recent data on baby names reports that “Bryan,” the more refined version of the ambiguously spelled name, has been gaining ground on its working class brethren “Brian” during the last 25 years due, among other things, to an increase in adult literacy. In 1981, the year I was born, 80% of “us” were spelled Brian. By 1990 the gap had closed to 54%-36% in favor of the bad guys. Today, out of every 100 Br#ans, 44.6% are “Bryan” according to their birth certificates.

If current trends continue, and you adhere to the i, I suggest you purchase those little BRIAN license plates before the world passes you by.

And in the case of botched Valentines, you might as well buy a few good erasers too.